Tuesday, October 02, 2012

It's Time to Let Go

It all started with a simple hello on the 7th day of December 2011. Beginning that moment, we started our conversation, you asked my cellphone number and later exchanged text messages. We see each other during our masteral classes every Saturday. During those times, I have developed a special attraction on you for being so intelligent and very responsible career man. On the 24th day of December, I was doing my final requirements in one of our subjects when I received a text message coming from you saying, "Merry Christmas classmate." I was surprised by your greeting because never did I expect it from you. I just replied, "Merry Christmas too classmate." I thought it was already finished but then you asked me where is your Christmas gift from me. It was January 07, 2012 when I secretly gave you my wrapped Christmas gift (necktie) before I left the room to go home. Also that date, it just happened that it was your last day of attending classes because you will be working on your new job the following week. It was on the gloomy 14th of January 2012 when I asked you if you will not attend classes anymore. And you said yes because of the time constraint required by your job. We exchanged text messages until you asked me to go out the following day. And it happened; we went out for the first time. And the rest as they say is history. 



It is unexplainable why I feel like you're the missing piece of my heart. I'm not exaggerating things, just honestly saying what I really feel. I might be wrong or right, but that's the way I feel. I've been into relationships for many times, but only with you I felt this way though we're not couple. What I loved most about you is that you are spiritually committed. You once a choir member and I have found out that you studied in a private catholic school. I believe you're the person who has a deeper understanding about faith in God. Another thing is I'm so thankful that you've never took advantage of me.

September 08, 2012. It was Mama Mary's birthday when I attended mass after my school classes. After the mass, I checked my phone and there I found several messages and missed call coming from you. You're waiting at the nearby restaurant and you want us to talk. But it was already an hour and I was thinking maybe you're not there anymore. My bestfriend told me that I have to call you to know if you're still there and I did. 



We talked at the closed area of Mang Inasal with a playing music in the background and just the two of us around. What a sweet and kilig moment it was! We started our serious talk by putting cards on the table with questions, explanations, a sort of arguments and confrontations. And we ended up agreed on a mutual setup because you keep on telling me that it is the best way of knowing each other. All you want is a relationship that will only lasts for a lifetime. You won't take the risk of getting into romantic relationship until you've completely get to know if we are really meant for each other. All you want first is to build a foundation of friendship between us. Then only time can tell if when is the best moment for us to level up our friendship into romantic one. If not, then you would cherish the friendship that we have. I got the point though I know it was unfair. But still I agreed. Several weeks have been good to us. We talked just like we're best of friends. We shared information and exchanged jokes. But in the blink of an eye, you've suddenly changed without saying any reason behind it.


I'll be missing things we both love doing...




  ... attending Sunday mass
  ... planning a Visita Iglesia
  ... dining out and watching movies
  ... hanging out at the mall
  ... playing games at Timezone
  ... and visiting nature's park.





I care so much about you. Even through all the hurtful things you've said about me, I couldn't ever stay mad at you. But I came to a point wherein I could no longer bear the pain and I'm too tired in giving you my comprehension. I can't keep looking out for you and making you my world when all it ends in disappointment. You don't treat me the way I deserve to be treated. It's not fair anymore. It's time to focus on myself again. If someday we meet again and the spark is still there, I won't drag you out.



But for now, it's time to let go. It may be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do, but I promise I'll be okay. The feeling will pass, I just have to be patient and be strong enough. I promise one day you'll be nothing but a lesson well learned. Still, I don't know what God has in store for us. We might walk on separate ways but I will always thankful for everything. I would always pray that God may lead us to where the best place for both of us. Wonderful memories will always remain and be treasured forever.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Why Wait?

I read a very inspirational post at the bulletin board of Guidance and Counselling Office that captured my inner self. I went to their office and asked if I could have a copy of it. I'm so glad that they've given me a printed copy. Just wanna share it here:

WHY WAIT? 
(Joe Stowell-From Our Daily Journey- Sept12)  Read Galatians 5:16-23

We've all heard the prayer: "Lord, make me more patient - now!" If patience is a virtue, most of us are not very virtuous. WE DON'T LIKE TO WAIT. Just ask anyone who is caught in a traffic jam or the young couple counting the days until their long-awaited wedding. 

Being patient can be a quite a challenge. But it's clear that God wants us to develop this character trait. After all, patience is more than a virtue... it's a fruit of the Spirit. It reflects His very presence in our lives, because without His help we can't possibly be patient. 

There's a good probability that our struggle with patience is unsuccessful because we've been trying to focus on others and not ourselves. But the issue is not really the people who push us to the edge; it's rather our inability to focus on what God is doing when He puts us in His waiting room. God wants us to learn to wait patiently for Him because He's working while we wait. 

One of the reasons God makes us wait is FOR THE SAKE OF OUR GROWTH. The fact is: WE GROW IN TIMES OF CRISIS. When everything is going well, we  tend to coast through life. But when a crisis comes, we immediately become sensitive to God and desperate for His help. It's at those times that we draw near to Him, and He is then able to develop His character in our lives. 

A second reason God makes us wait is FOR THE SAKE OF HIS GLORY. God often seems to wait to act on our behalf until we've moved into the arena of the impossible. Then He acts so that a watching world will know that He is the true and living God. In this way, we know firsthand the reality of His power.

One thing we can be sure of... GOD'S TIME IS ALWAYS THE RIGHT TIME. Patience is not learning to wait for others; it is learning to wait on God and to cooperate with His work in our lives. 

RESPONDING: What kinds of situations make me impatient? What am I    
                      waiting for right now? What are some ways that God might be
                       working in my situation while I wait?

FOLLOWING:  Wait on God - He's always working.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me

Yes! I thank God for this day! Thank YOU for another year of existence. Thank you, GOD, for giving me precious life. For all the wonders, goodness, guidance and patience YOU bestowed upon me, I am forever grateful!


It is my first time to show to the whole world that I am celebrating my natal day today. For the past years that I'm using the popular social networking site - the facebook - I don't really show my birthday on my profile. It's because I just want to be in quiet mode every time my birthday comes. The truth is I just want to stay away from questions coming from so many people asking why I'm still single and when will I get married. Sometimes I really got annoyed of it.  A certain colleague spoke ironic words towards me. I just can't ignore the hurt it caused me. I was offended and felt insulted by his ill-remarks. I just don't know why there are some insensitive people who really can't hold their tongue and happy to hurt others through giving sarcastic remarks. 


Thanks to my best friend Roni for giving me encouraging and inspiring words that really melted my heart. It is my special day and it is the best thing for me to celebrate and be happy and thankful for the gift of life given to me by our Creator. For such beautiful words, I showed my birthday on my facebook profile. 


I waited until the clock turned 12:00 am and posted a birthday prayer on my facebook wall. I was really overwhelmed and felt so much joy for all the people who remembered and greeted me through text messages, calls, facebook likes, comments and private messages. I've just realized there's a lot of people who really cares for me and it melts my heart. I can feel their love and care and through them I feel within my heart God's  immeasurable love and overflowing graces.


This message of my friend Roni touches and melts my heart. I'm speechless because I don't know what are the best words that would describe the feelings within me when I read it:
Lord, we thank you for blessing us with someone like Cathy. She has been one of the best gift you have given me & my family. Her unyielding love & compassion has been her most favorable traits. In times when I am in lost & in doubt she reminds me to stood by my faith. I was then lost & desolate Lord but she remains to be my pillar of strenght. You let us both met along the way & started a friendship that we will treasure in every way. I pray for her health, safety & happiness Father that you may bless her everyday. For she deserves all the love & happiness the world can give.
Amen.

*Happy Happy Birthday my dearest friend. Thank you for your love, compassion & kind heart. I will always be grateful to you for the prayers & strength you have endowed in me. Without your kindness I wouldn't be so happy with all the blessing I have, most especially for having KD. You are a blessing to everyone & I am so proud, lucky & grateful for I have a friend in you. I pray for your health, happiness & safety my friend. Have a happy birthday. You had your early gift earlier seeing derek hahahaha. Peace. Love you.*
I attended two masses, one from 7:45 am mass at St. Joseph Shrine at Cubao, Quezon City and 12:15 noon mass at Cathedral Shrine of Good Shepherd here at Fairview,Quezon City. Then I went to SM Fairview Mall to renew my Sun Cellular postpaid line and got my free phone, the black Samsung Galaxy Y. Yesterday, I gave birthday treat to my work colleagues at our department. I set my post-birthday celebration with my close friends on January. It's because I have some important things to do.


God knows what's the fervent desire and wish of my heart and I believe He will grant it at His Most Perfect Time according to His Will. 


Thank you so much FATHER ALMIGHTY for the gift of life! Amen.

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Little Piece of Me

I came from a broken family and I don't deny it. Being one and also identified as an illegitimate child ain't easy to accept. I've been hurt and cried a bucket of tears in knowing the truth. But realizing that there's no good thing I could gain on being rebellious and dwelling on the past, I accepted my fate and decided to go on with my life. I let God direct me to the right pathway of life. I studied well, learned many things not only from the four sides of classroom but also from all the people who taught me how to persevere and strive on what I wanted to be. There are so many times I want to give up but still with the grace of God I moved on. I worked hard and prayed hard asking for guidance and strength to go on.

I vividly remember the days when I want and eager enough to enroll in a bachelor's degree a year after I finished my vocational course. I enrolled and became a working student just to be able to pursue my education. I learned to be frugal so that I could sustain my other needs, manage time and prioritize things to meet deadlines. I learned how not to take people I love for granted. I learned to sacrifice my love for someone special and face the terrible moment when I lose and let him go. I learned to get along well with other people while living far from my family. Eventually, I saw the light at the end of the dark tunnel when I received my bachelor's diploma.

Looking back, I feel so much blessed and grateful to God for where I am right now. I have a stable job with one of the prestigious institution of my country. I enjoy life's journey with my family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Still unavoidable set of circumstances may come my way, but I know I do carried suitcase of courage and faith in God to win in the battles of life.

Monday, October 31, 2011

A Fulfilled Promise

Source: Google Images
Last September 24, 2011 at Saturday morning, I have fulfilled my promise to God that I will visit and attend mass at the Shrine of Divine Mercy in Marilao, Bulacan. That day, I woke up early in the morning when I feel like there is a silent voice succumbing me to go to the said church. Several months ago, I promised to God that I will visit His sacred place in the province of Bulacan. And I'm so glad that I did it.

It's the first time I was in the place and truly I felt the presence of God. I prayed fervently in the Shrine of Divine Mercy. I spent a lot of time roaming around the entire place. I bought a Divine Mercy Chaplet in the their souvenir shop. I visited the Guadalupe Chapel at the Church basement where a big picture of Our Lady is enthroned with its flowing water. Also, I entered the Cave of the Holy Sepulcher where I feel the awesomeness of the place. And of course, the newly renovated Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes where I prayed in silence my fervent wishes.

It was a wonderful experience being in that place that truly lighten my burden and be secured with the belief that God is present as a Loving Merciful Lord now and forever.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Princess in Disguise

I saw her wearing her cutest smile while talking to a friend. She is a simple lady with a humble heart. She brings inspiration to those who needed it. She lends a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear to someone she cares. She is a good provider to her family. She has a positive outlook in life. I have witnessed how she sacrificed her own happiness for the sake of her family. I have seen how she succeeded in some of her struggles in her life's journey. I have proven how she dearly love her family and give them the best that she can be. I have seen how proud she was when her dreams for her beloved family have been fulfilled and all the efforts she'd given to them have been rewarded. She tearfully thanked God for all the graces and answered prayers bestowed to her family.

But there's one thing they didn't know about her. When darkness comes and the sun is out, her smile turns into cry. She takes off her mask. She must face her real world. A life of being alone and no one to love.
Yesterday night, I saw her all alone in her silent shell. Her little comfort zone has been a quiet witness to her lonely and pain-filled days. Just an hour, a sudden burst of frustration, despondency and hopelessness envelops her whole being. She cried and cried. She was attacked by a depression. She felt emptiness and a loss of love. She has a feeling of being drowned in the ocean of fear and failure. She couldn't fathom the realities and uncertainties of life. She is afraid to be left alone and lonely. She is afraid things will not be okay.

Sometimes, a teaspoon of regret makes her heart shattered into pieces. If only she had fight for the love she once had, maybe she won the battle of love. If only she had not let go of him, maybe she now happy with a man she truly loved. If only she said yes to his man's marriage proposal, maybe she is now happy and contented wife. If only she had think and decide only for herself, maybe she now living with a family of her own. But it's too late. She can never turn back the pages of time.



I sigh, realizing that 
          I've lost my sanity amidst 
                   the dark and stormy night.
                                                          :-(

Monday, September 05, 2011

Dear Mr. A: An Old Flame

More than three years have passed since we parted ways and never been reconnected. Until one day, I received a missed call and found out it was you. Then, we were re-communicated once more.

It seems you're talking to me just like nothing happened in the past. You're still the same person that I once knew. You always pestering me with your sarcastic remarks. Enough for me to feel quite mad at you the way you are. But I guess there is no more question about it. It's you.. the real you.

Now, you want me back. Is it that easy? Maybe, for you. The first time I heard it from you, I don't know what my reaction is. Am I happy? I remain still. But the feeling I think isn't there anymore. You said you will gonna prove that you have unfeigned love. Do I have to believe? For all the pain you caused me, do you still worthy of my full trust? Do I have to give you a second chance?

I'm sorry. That's all I can say at this very moment. After weighing things out, I've realized some things never last. The feelings I have for you before exists no more. I try to feel within my heart if you're still resides in there but my heart says you're out of her life now. I am really sorry but I don't love you anymore.  

I have overcome the struggle and burden you have caused me. The past hurt and mistake made me a stronger person. It taught me how to accept my loss and brave enough to go through life without you. Thank you for the chance, I was given an ample time in expressing what my heart and mind wanted to say. You need to move on now. You have to let go. Let's just be fair. Let's just be friends! That's the only thing I could offer you right now. It will never change. And will never be.