Thursday, September 29, 2011

Princess in Disguise

I saw her wearing her cutest smile while talking to a friend. She is a simple lady with a humble heart. She brings inspiration to those who needed it. She lends a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear to someone she cares. She is a good provider to her family. She has a positive outlook in life. I have witnessed how she sacrificed her own happiness for the sake of her family. I have seen how she succeeded in some of her struggles in her life's journey. I have proven how she dearly love her family and give them the best that she can be. I have seen how proud she was when her dreams for her beloved family have been fulfilled and all the efforts she'd given to them have been rewarded. She tearfully thanked God for all the graces and answered prayers bestowed to her family.

But there's one thing they didn't know about her. When darkness comes and the sun is out, her smile turns into cry. She takes off her mask. She must face her real world. A life of being alone and no one to love.
Yesterday night, I saw her all alone in her silent shell. Her little comfort zone has been a quiet witness to her lonely and pain-filled days. Just an hour, a sudden burst of frustration, despondency and hopelessness envelops her whole being. She cried and cried. She was attacked by a depression. She felt emptiness and a loss of love. She has a feeling of being drowned in the ocean of fear and failure. She couldn't fathom the realities and uncertainties of life. She is afraid to be left alone and lonely. She is afraid things will not be okay.

Sometimes, a teaspoon of regret makes her heart shattered into pieces. If only she had fight for the love she once had, maybe she won the battle of love. If only she had not let go of him, maybe she now happy with a man she truly loved. If only she said yes to his man's marriage proposal, maybe she is now happy and contented wife. If only she had think and decide only for herself, maybe she now living with a family of her own. But it's too late. She can never turn back the pages of time.

I sigh, realizing that 
          I've lost my sanity amidst 
                   the dark and stormy night.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Dear Mr. A: An Old Flame

More than three years have passed since we parted ways and never been reconnected. Until one day, I received a missed call and found out it was you. Then, we were re-communicated once more.

It seems you're talking to me just like nothing happened in the past. You're still the same person that I once knew. You always pestering me with your sarcastic remarks. Enough for me to feel quite mad at you the way you are. But I guess there is no more question about it. It's you.. the real you.

Now, you want me back. Is it that easy? Maybe, for you. The first time I heard it from you, I don't know what my reaction is. Am I happy? I remain still. But the feeling I think isn't there anymore. You said you will gonna prove that you have unfeigned love. Do I have to believe? For all the pain you caused me, do you still worthy of my full trust? Do I have to give you a second chance?

I'm sorry. That's all I can say at this very moment. After weighing things out, I've realized some things never last. The feelings I have for you before exists no more. I try to feel within my heart if you're still resides in there but my heart says you're out of her life now. I am really sorry but I don't love you anymore.  

I have overcome the struggle and burden you have caused me. The past hurt and mistake made me a stronger person. It taught me how to accept my loss and brave enough to go through life without you. Thank you for the chance, I was given an ample time in expressing what my heart and mind wanted to say. You need to move on now. You have to let go. Let's just be fair. Let's just be friends! That's the only thing I could offer you right now. It will never change. And will never be.