Just an Update

It's been awhile since the last time I have posted something here on my blog. It's been so pretty busy here in the workplace. A lot of paperwork occupied my job tray. I have to prioritize things so I may be able to finish the tasks and all. Blogging is one way of unloading my thoughts, emotions and anything that slipped in my mind once in a while. And because I can't entertain and face my computer for the whole day only to have my blogging session, I bought a  notepad as my personal diary to put my thoughts and musings into words when I'm in the mood.

Nothing so much new happened for the past two months I've been silent. I'm just busy with doing paperwork such as payroll and submission of reports for the last fiscal year. I never had my beach or pool swimming last summer. It was my choice. I have received some invitations to go swimming with friends and colleagues but I said no. I'm just not in the mood of going outdoors because of the terrible heat during summer season. The kind of heat of the season is not that normal. It is caused by global warming. So sad of what's happening to our Mother Earth.


Good News. My brother graduated last April 29. It was also my mother's birthday. I sent birthday greetings to my mother who stays in the province. My father and I attended the graduation. After the program, we eat at Kenny Rogers - SM North Edsa to celebrate. Congratulations, Bobet! You did it! Last June 06, it was Monday. My sister Arlene gave birth to a healthy baby boy via normal delivery. My first nephew. The first grandchild of the family. We were so thankful and praise God for the gift of life. Ardie is his first name. The bundle of joy of the family. 

After the Storm

Many years ago, I was disgusted and feeling distress when my sister disclosed to me that she was raped with someone else when she was just a child. I don't know what is the exact age of her when it was happened. The guilty person who did the crime was my grandparents' helper in their farm. We don't have any idea where he is now because I don't have a bit of information of his whereabouts even before. I was the only one who knew what had happened to my sister. I can see from her eyes the pain and sadness that she had. The sad thing part of it was it took so many years before she courageously confided it with me. But still, I'm very thankful and relieved because she trusted me. At least, I now fully understand her talks and actions when we were still young and growing up. 

I know how it's been so hard for her to cope with the situation. Depression is the worst feeling in this world that overshadowed her that's why she once tried to commit suicide by taking sleeping pills. I have witnessed how she'd done it and I burst into tears because I felt the excruciating pain, hopelessness, self-pitiness and downfall she'd feeling. Unintentionally, I found a handwritten letter she kept in her personal thing. It was a letter narrating what she'd been through. A letter where she put all her emotions about failures, anguish, fears and envy about something in her life.


I still vividly remember when I'd advised her many years ago to tell everything about it to a man she chooses to be with forever before they will decide to get married. And I know she keep it that words in her heart and mind. I was pleased and grateful when after many years of coping with the situation she'd finally found the man who accepted her for who and what she is. Now, my sister is happily married. The wedding took place at the province last year. And at this moment we are thankfully and gladly waiting for the very first grandchild in our family. Yes, she's pregnant now.  She'll be giving birth on her first bundle of joy this coming June. God is really good. And I thank God for all the love and graces He poured.

A Reflection of Faith

During my childhood days, I once felt I was lost. I was searching for a place that I could say I am loved for what I am. I am so blessed when I stayed with Lola Cion, my grandfather's first cousin, because of her I was taught how to keep my faith with God to be stronger each day. I saw how would she fervently kneel and pray everyday. She opted to be single that's why she's living alone in her house. My mother agreed with her that I would sleep with her at night. I enjoyed my nights staying with her. I've learned how to pray the rosary earnestly. I am so pleased to witness how she really cared for her entire family by praying all of them individually and asking God to protect and guide them. I was so amazed how she loved and cared for them all. 

Life is full of struggles and circumstances. Sometimes, I can hardly feel the presence of love of God. I can't understand why God allowed some bad things happened in my childhood life. Why He didn't protect me when I was molested as a child? Until now, the only profound answer I have in mind is: I don't know. I really don't. But God knows. And that's enough. I believe everything happens for a reason. As Bo Sanchez says, "God won't protect you from all pain. But He will allow the pain that can turn into a great blessing." The Bible says, All things work for good to those who love God.

Despite all hardships and pain I have endured, I'm still strong. And that's because of God's grace and protection. Inspirational and motivational books have a great impact in my life. I picked up all the words of wisdom I found on it and keep it as my armor in struggling life's journey. God's Word and faith in Him are the two powerful tools of mine in surmounting the mountain of life I've been through. But it isn't easy. There are times I see myself being knocked down. But God is good. God put His arms around me and lifted me up.

A Promise

Dear Catherine,

One day, you'll see the various events of your life - even the most painful ones - with new eyes. They will be like jigsaw pieces that now all fit together.  The most difficult moments of your life are the lovely shadows that now make the painting of your life utterly magnificent. Catherine, I will turn your mourning into joy, your sorrow into dancing. That's a promise.

Promise Keeper,

God.

PS. Sometimes, your don't understand, Catherine. That's okay. I don't call you to understand. I call you to trust Me.


Such a very beautiful and wonderful message from Him! I feel more hopeful while waiting for the very beautiful life God has in store for me. Reflecting on the past makes me grateful because I realized how God magnificently molded me to become a better person He wanted me to be. I would only say that God's grace is more than what we have ever imagined. I was overwhelmed how the blessings poured on me more than what I have asked for. Sometimes, I don't understand His ways, but I should trust Him. God knows the best.

At the Crossroad of Life

Lost. Confused. Unsure. Worried. These are the things that occupies my mind today. I see myself standing at the crossroad of life. Life is full of uncertainties. Our laid plans go astray. We don't know what exactly God has in store for us. The only certain thing we do have is to believe and be still in God's love for us.

I'm still trying to find my calling, on what's really my purpose in life. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the crossroad. Uncertain of what life path I choose to embark on. That in the end I could say I don't have any regret. Decision making is one of the hardest thing to do. It needs proper timing and consideration of what matters most. I know there are times that we need to make a big decision. A decision that sometimes we need to sacrifice and give up something just to get what's close to our heart's desire. But I know there is always a risk on everything.

Just like this paper boat, I am now floating on the wide open ocean water. Will I wait for the wind to blow down on me? Or steer myself in the direction I want to go even if it's against the wind? I don't know the answer yet.

A Very Blessed Life

When I opened my inbox last Saturday, this is what I've read on GodWhispers message for me.

It's really uplifting spiritually and emotionally when I filled up my heart and mind with these encouraging words from God. God truly send people who will give and share wonderful thoughts to others who need such. Bo Sanchez is one of them. Indeed, he is a blessing to us. He inspires and motivates us to appreciate and receive God's abundance in every area of our lives. GodWhispers Club members feed our minds with the very best spiritual diet available in the world. Contemplating such words makes me more inspired to wait for the very blessed life God have written for me. Surely, He will bless me even more.

Insensitive People

Would you be glad when on Valentine's Day someone will tell you, "How pity you are! You have no significant other to be with on this special day?" I guess not! I think it's pretty normal to feel bad when you know within yourself that there are times in your life you do feel unloved, alone and lonely. What would be the best response on this situation? I don't know the best answer. I only replied, "You know nothing about me." It was happened last February 14, 2011. A certain colleague spoke this ironic words towards me. I just can't ignore the hurt it caused me. I was offended and felt insulted by his ill-remarks.

I just don't know why there are some insensitive people who really can't hold their tongue and happy to hurt others through giving sarcastic remarks. A negative words that could hurt someone's feeling. Others might say I'm just bitter in love. I won't blame you. Maybe you're right. I'm just being myself. A simple and sensitive lady cat.

Valentine's Day reminds me of the unpleasant memories and failed relationships I had in the past. It adds to my injury when some people keep on criticizing and asking repeated questions about my love life. Does it show utmost concern? Or they wanted only to destroy my self-confidence? I don't owe them a single cent. Neither did I ask them a bit of their comments and opinions. They don't even have a common knowledge about me and what I've been through in life.  I have my own life and reason to live the way it is. They had no right to put me down and break me into pieces. I should remind myself.

I'm not ashamed that I lost the battle of love for several times. I accept it with humility and a courageous heart. Still, I'm not afraid to fall in love again. I'm not even afraid of commitment. But I'm not a perfect girl. I have flaws and imperfection. But I am unique. I won't push myself to look for love. I let my heart finds it. Maybe it's not yet the perfect time. Just maybe. I mused it was. Only God knows.

At this very moment, I claim, "The best is yet to come. Someone better will walk into my life and I will find my one true love."

Flight Plan

Different Philippine carriers nowadays have a promo fare. Many Filipinos book a flight here in  Philippines and abroad. Many of my co-workers were done on booking their certain flights to set foot on different tourist spots here in the Philippines. Others choose to go outside the Philippines to experience what other countries could offer. They grabbed the opportunity to travel such places because of the cheap and affordable flights and low fare promo within travel period offered by different airlines.

I wanted also to book for a flight or two. I'd like to take a short vacation on my hometown to be with with my mother and sister. I'd like to visit my best friend to have a bonding moment while reminiscing our high school life. I'd like to walk along the beach, go for a day or night swimming and build sandcastles. I'd like to visit old places wherein I had unforgettable memories with.

I'd like also to set foot in another tourist spots here in Philippines like Bohol, Camarines Sur, Cebu, Iloilo, Palawan and many more. But I have a second thought. I'm really hesitant to book for a flight because right now I'm still waiting for a response on my application for employment abroad. What if I book and unable to make it due to unexpected call from the agency? What if I will be informed that I need to report immediately and submit needed documents because anytime soon I'll be leaving? If that happens, the money I've paid for airfare will be wasted. That's exactly my dilemma why my flight plan is still on hold right now.

I let God take over

I called at the agency and was informed that the employer has no response yet. Negativity strikes me again. A candle of hope slowly fades. I feel a bit tired of hoping and waiting for an answer. What if I lose the battle? An inner voice says I can't accept it. I want it badly. I don't know how to react. And then finally, I accept my fate. Wait. That's the only word that comes in mind. 

I let myself rest and listen to the voice that speaks inside. No need to hurry. Time comes at the perfect moment. I should wait. That's my only hope. And then, I turn to God for guidance and light. I kneel saying starting today, I let God take over me. Surely, God will lead me where I should be.

Message from God

Just wanna share this message from God last Friday via God wants You to Know..., a facebook application.

Last January 14, 2011, God wants me to know... that when I feel down, look at myself through God's eyes. There are times when no matter how hard I try, I just cannot accept myself as I am. During such times, think of how I look to God's eyes. In God's eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance. God sees me light when all that I can see are my shadows. God loves me more than anyone could ever love me as I really am.

When I read my message from God on that day, I was very touched and inspired. I admit there are times that I have this kind of feeling. Feeling down, asking why some bad things happened but still I couldn't find an answer. But God is really good. He gives me an answer. And it says He loves me more than anyone could ever love me as I really am.

Unhappy

Unhappy? Is it normal to feel this way? I hope so. I'm sure I'm not alone in this kind of feeling. I don't deny that every now and then I feel this way. There are things I wanted to happen and hope for it but it failed. And it depresses me a lot. I want to scream. I want to cry out loud. Until when I'll be waiting for my utmost wish in life? Sometimes I found myself soaked in a pail of hatred and pain. Keep wondering why the lucky star is keeping away with me. Is it worth waiting for uncertain thing? Yes! A lot of people keep on saying that. I believe on it. But I just can't ignore the sting of disappointment and frustration whenever I feel weak. I need to be strong. I need to keep my faith and hold on to God's promise. That's the only best thing I can do now.

An Update

I've been into hibernation for almost four weeks now and I terribly miss the blogging world. Though I wanted to post regularly, I can't because my desk is always bombarded with a lot of workload. I have to prioritize my office tasks and cope with the changes in the daily routine of our department.

Anyway, here are some things happened in the past four weeks during my absence from blogosphere. 

•  I enjoyed my short sojourn last Sept. 16-19, 2010 at Aringay, La Union up to Baguio City together with my bestfriend's family and relatives. We went to the beach for swimming and took a bamboo raft ride on the river.  

• We attended mass at St. Pio Chapel in Libis, Quezon City last Sept. 23, 2010 after office hour. After the mass, I attended get-together dinner at Cabalen, Sta. Lucia Mall. I had a meaningful chitchat with my former officemates and we reminisced the unforgettable moments and experiences  we have during our PPI days in Cainta Branch Office.

• Sadly, I lost my Nokia 5000 Cellphone Unit last Sept. 26, 2010 when I went to Big R-Robinson Novaliches to check the Collezione Boutique if they have an available C2 Pilipinas Map T'shirt so I could buy one and give it to Aieen as my simple gift for her upcoming birthday.

• Aieen went back to Yanbu, Saudi Arabia last Oct. 01, 2010 and I accompanied her and her family to the airport for her departure.

• Sympathetically, we're all saddened by the death of my officemate & friend's sister last Oct. 07, 2010. We went to Laguna last Saturday to send our deepest condolences to the bereaved family.

 I wish I could go back regularly to the blogging world and have enough time for blog hopping. Just "Wish Me Luck!" ♥♥♥

Quiet Moment with God

There is always a point in our daily life, a day's portion when we want to be alone so we could have a special quiet moment with God. And looking for a place free of agitation and intrusion is the key to necessary reflection, listening and talking to Him. It is the best way to feel His presence, meditate and surrender everything to Him. You may consider to be wholly alone with Him in the comfort of your cozy room or sitting by the window gazing at the blue sky. It would certainly give you serenity, calmness and relaxing feeling that you could not find elsewhere but only within God's presence.

my workplace's chapel

One of the usual places where I choose to be in a solitary mood with God is the Eucharistic Chapel of different churches I've got the chance to visit. I loved the serenity and holiness of this place wherein I could fervently feel that the Lord is at home peculiarly the solace and relaxation it give to my stressed mind, body and soul. And still I do indeed enjoy being comfortable with myself having a heart-to-heart conversation with God. I used to adore, pray, talk and listen to His words as the Holy Spirit envelops my whole being and touches my heart. It is such a great feeling knowing you're in the comfort and consolation of Mighty Hands in a very special moment of stillness and tranquility. What an indescribable and inexpressible feeling!

Emotional Roller Coaster

I'm having an emotional roller coaster feeling right now. Yesterday, I feel so enthusiastic in looking for a job abroad and hoping it would be possible to land a good job. I was so glad when Ms. Joan handed me a list of requirements I need to submit before I could take an examination.  She told me that it's much better to submit my lacking requirements  right away so that she could accommodate my application. I was informed that they have an urgent positions available and it's up to me if I'm interested. I stepped out of the building with a positive attitude in pursuing my laid plan into reality. 

Earlier this day, I went to the office of one of my friends here in the workplace and she'd given me a sort of advice and shared with me some of her experiences during her employment abroad days. For her, it's much better for me to stay here in my present workplace than to venture into another journey abroad. I know she has a point when she told me that it's very hard to get a job nowadays and I  could be jobless after I came back from working abroad. I know our company is giving us benefits that other company don't have like  most especially the medical and educational benefits we have here. But I know deep inside my soul, I want to explore,  try and learn something new and take risks with the guidance of the Divine Hands. I don't want to live my whole life working so hard and be content in the comfort of my small cubicle but didn't grow  as what I wanted to be and never tried to step out of my comfort zone. Opportunity comes to those who seek and acknowledge God that there is always better way for me to grow and that's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to live a life regretting the chances I've missed that's why my heart and mind kept on telling me that I should pursue it. But then I felt uneasy, a feeling of emotional roller coaster dawned on me as I  stepped out of her office and while walking back to our department's office.  Half of my mind and heart telling me to just stop for awhile and listen, weighing things down while the other half telling me to follow what I really wanted to do.

I was really grateful when I got a chance to have a chit chat online with Aieen  when I signed in at yahoo at that very moment when I needed someone to talk to. I listened to her very inspiring and awakening words of encouragement and enlightenment of what would be the very best decision I could ever make. First and foremost, I should ask God's will and guidance on my life. I should listen to what He says and have faith that whatever paths I choose to go, He is definitely be there for the rest of my journey. I have only to give my very best to do things and the rest is in His Mighty Hands.

Good Friday 2010

It was a fine Good Friday when my brother and I talked over the cellular phone. We talked about his plan of going back to school this coming June. I also asked him about some updates on the lives of our relatives and was told they're all good. After our short talk, I felt bad deep inside realizing that my own life isn't good enough despite of such hard work and sacrifices I've made. I felt worthless, pitied myself and burst into tears when suddenly shadow of my childhood years flashed back into my mind. It was a past situation filled with helplessness, insecurities and greatest fear to reveal the darkest side of my life which I have had carried for so long and until now still haunting me once in a while. I sobbed for a moment until things calm down and I felt better.

After a while, I turned on the television and joined the solemn observance of Holy Friday by watching the live telecast of "7 Last Words" on ABS-CBN and meditating the words of God. These are the final phrases of Jesus on the Cross:

1. Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34)
2. Today you will be with me in paradise. (Luke 23:43)
3. Woman, behold thy son; behold thy mother. (John 19:26-27)
4. My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? (Mark 15:34)
5. I thirst! (John 19:28)
6. It is finished. (John 19:30)
7. Father, into Your hands I commend my spirit. (Luke 23:46)

I was teary-eyed while watching the program.The invited preachers, sharers and music performers shared life stories and talents to make the observance of Lent a meaningful one. Their words of wisdom and inspiring stories touched my heart and enlivened my body and soul.

Father, into Your Hands is my destiny. Your words will be my light of hope in the darkness of my life and refreshing water in the thirstiness of my spirit. In every stair of my life there will be a cross of trials, but I do not fear to take hope for You, God, is with me forever.