Saturday, June 05, 2010

Still Can't Move On

It’s been almost six years since an old flame and I parted ways without official closure. He moved on within a snap of time and found a new love until they got married. I felt so much heartache and hatred and I have promised myself that I should keep going and moving on with my life. We never talked nor became friends after more than a few years. Then one day I accepted his friend request on friendster. Since then we’ve got the chance to talk online. We talked about life’s situation and a little bit of our past relationship. That moment I know deep within my heart I still have feelings for him. But I know it’s definitely great amiss. I stopped communicating with him and see to it that I’m always invisible whenever we’re both online. 

Month passed and we never heard anything from each other. Along the way, I fall in love with someone else whom I thought he’s the right one for me and wished to be with him for the rest of my life. But it never happened. I was left alone with so many unanswered questions in mind. I accepted how it ended and finally my life backed to normal as life must go on. 

Lately, the said old flame kept on haunting me and coming back again like an echo. I thought I’ve moved on but now I’ve totally figured out that I’m not. Every time he communicates with me on facebook and see him that he’s happy, I don’t know why inside my heart, I still feel pain, indeed, I still love him. Why I can’t forget him? Sometimes, it really makes me stupid to think futile and foolish things though I knew it will just bring me pain. Pathetic, that’s what I am.

I really wanted to shut him in my life. I wish I could move on now. So that one day, I could face and treat him just like an old friend nothing more, nothing less.